How not to write a resume
In my boss days, I must have seen a couple of thousand resumes, and 60 percent went into the trash can 30 seconds after I looked at them. In the days before the internet, whenever we had a job opening in my 40-person division in a large financial company, I placed Sunday want ads in our city’s two largest newspapers.
Of course, I checked other sources, such as local universities and friends of employees.
I never, never dealt with employment agencies, because my experiences with them were always useless, or worse, dishonest. The Sunday want ads probably supplied all but just one or two of the 30 or so people who eventually were hired during my 25 years on the job. I felt the want ads was the fairest way to let all potential applicants get a shot at it.
My ads required only a written response along with a resume. The ads described the job requirements and a general description of my company, but were “blind.” The applicants didn’t know our name until, and if, I decided to contact those who looked most qualified. I phoned each to get examples of their speaking skills, and to make appointments for interviews. We had two or three openings a year, and the average response to each ad was 100 letters and resumes.
When the letters arrived, as described above, I immediately trashed 50 of them. The worst offenders were totally unqualified for the job. Or worse, their resumes were obviously full of fake information and qualifications. Equally as offensive were the resumes that showed poor grammar. Most of our job openings called for college graduates, but some of the poor English and spelling was below sixth grade level.
My next task was to check out the surviving 50 carefully. This required more work, because unless the information was clearly fake, but suspicious, I had to do some checking of references, job history and education claims. Letters and resumes all gussied up with color paper, fancy typefaces, cartoons, lame humor and other doodads usually eliminated the senders. Closer scrutiny and consideration eliminated another 25.
Of the remaining 25, with the help of my associate managers, I selected ten to be invited in for interviews. The other 15 were held in a sort of limbo. They weren’t quite the best, but not yet unqualified enough to be thrown away, just in case none of the top ten interviewed well.
Therefore, my advice to resume writers is to keep it short and businesslike. For all education, employment and references, list phone numbers/email addresses, so that the prospective employer can check your facts quickly. One resume item I always found silly and useless was when the applicant started the page with his/her philosophy on life or serious intent to succeed in life. Forget all that B.S. (boastful spouting). While using initials, for preparing your resume, I repeat the old K.I.S.S. advice: keep it simple, (and don’t do anything) stupid.